Once upon a time I was an ugly caterpillar awaiting my transformation into a butterfly. I always felt that I was meant for more, but my shitty life just didn’t seem to think the same way.
I’ve had this blog for around two years now and I’ve never wrote anything on it, instead I’ve been using it as a test site for my web design business, a blank site to enable me to record setup videos. Ignoring the reason why I bought this exact domain in the first place.
I’ve never really known what I wanted to do with my life, sure when I was a kid I had a few ideas – radio presenter, interior designer, private detective, journalist, author – all creative pursuits that I never really followed. They were just fleeting ideas that came and went. I was never really happy as a child or a teenager and when it came to choosing what I wanted to do in university, at the end of my A Levels, a path that everyone was certain I would follow with my brains – I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do.
Fate was to have it that I didn’t have to choose, after finishing my A Levels I found I was pregnant with my eldest daughter and I thought to myself this is the reason that I never had a career path – this is what I was meant to be doing, being a mother.
Fast forward twenty years later and I have given the best part of my life to being not only a mother but a wife, a role that is no longer. I have got to the point in my life, a single mother to a twenty and thirteen year old, that I find that feeling creeping back – that one where I want more from life, that there is something more out there for me.
And I mean just me, not for anyone else. Not my children, not my family, not my friends, not for anyone else that I spend most of my life doing things for.
So around 2 years ago I had an idea about writing a book. I didn’t know what it was going to be about, all I had was a name.
Becoming a Butterfly.
I bought the domain name, but that’s as far as I got. Not that a book is written on a website, but I thought maybe about starting off with a blog. A blog about how every caterpillar can turn into a butterfly. How just about anyone can turn their life around and become what they want to be.
But yet, two years later I still have no idea of what I want from life, so who am I to write a book or even a blog post to help someone else.
So instead I made a decision. A decision to just write, write whatever comes into my head – like a kind of therapy or journalling session I suppose.
Because I may not have figured out what that more from life really is yet, but maybe this is a way I can.