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My life is spiralling out of control and I don’t seem to be able to stop it.

I feel like I am trapped in the dark and I can sort of see some light at the end of it but I have no idea how to get to it or what will happen if I do. That light could mean something better. Or it could mean something worse.

Do I even want to get there.

I’ve become so comfy and used to living in my own little chrysalis. My own bubble, where nothing seems to matter and I just go through every day without thinking. Making more and more mistakes. Becoming more and more like someone I really don’t want to be.

But who do I want to be?

What do I really want?

Isn’t it easier to just carry on in the flow of life.

I’m used to the disappointment now. I’m used to the ongoing struggle. It’s all become too familiar. Easy. Comfortable.

But why would anyone choose to live like this?

Is it even a choice?

I have I just fallen into this life blindly and just carried on, thinking it’s normal.

And now I’ve just shut myself away. Hidden myself from my feelings. From the world.

Safe in my own chrysalis.

But I’m not safe. I’m not happy. I’m fading away.

I just can’t do this anymore.

It’s not who I was meant to be. I’ve self destructed and hidden myself from the world. Hiding behind a facade of fake smiles and an imaginary personality.

It’s not me.

But who am I?

Where did I get lost? Which disaster of my life led me to this point? Was it one pivotal moment or was it just my whole car crash of a life that has led me to feeling like this?

That light I can see.

It surely has to be something better than this.